Gobble Purr Strut

Who taped their beaks shut?

2005-03-29T08:23:00.000-08:00

I've been out on the Redlands WMA today and Monday. It is quite depressing to not hear a single bird. I think I have lost several pounds in the attempt, but alas, the birds are not horny.

1st--I tried my owl calls, both the tube type and the whistle.
2nd--I gave some crow calls, nobody liked those either.
3rd--After calling with my Knight and Hale diaphragm calls for most of the morning, I still made absolutely nothing HORNY!
4th--I thought a Red-Tail hawk might scare a bird into a gobble. Nope.
5th--Maybe a piliated woodpecker would do the trick. Nobody hates a piliated woodpecker more than an old gobbler. Guess Not.
6th--How about a Peacock, those ol' boys on the MAD videos sure look like they get them gobblin with those. I felt rediculous making those horrific noises in the woods.
7th--Maybe that dog whistle thing that M.A.D. calls makes will work. Ummm....NO.

I am currently devising a plan to spray the entire Wildlife Management Area with liquid Viagra, mixed with a little liquid Levitra. Maybe, just maybe, the birds will get horny!!!!! Dammit, I hate not hearing a Gobble!!!!

Turkey Opener in Georgia

2005-03-26T06:42:00.000-08:00

Loser: the person not victorious in a fight, match, or game. Why you ask? Because I am home this morning and not turkey hunting.

Just as well though, I'm heading to the woods for a couple of days during the week after everyone and their brother leaves the woods.

My last post on the Gobbler Guillotine did not show the picture, and that is my fault. I apologize to all of my loyal readers. So here it is. I am just going to go lay down and mope a bit because I was not able to go hunting on opening morning.

Putting Turkeys Down the French Way

2005-03-24T05:41:00.000-08:00

The Gobbler Guillotine

Having seen this nasty customer in action, I can personally attest to the fact that this broadhead really puts gobblers on the ground.

The most fun that you have with this particular broadhead is trying not to stab yourself with it. The thing is really the size of a small dinner platter. Has anyone else seen this killing machine? Does anyone else feel dirty just looking at it? I just can't imagine walking out into the field with four 3 inch razors attached to the end of my arrow and feel stealthy! Who knows though, maybe you're that person.

Give us a holler.....

The Tube of Terry Schiavo

2005-03-22T12:30:00.000-08:00

I find myself disgusted. In the course of this day I have listened to a plethora (too many) of talking heads and columnists talk about this poor unfortunate Terry Schiavo. I have cringed more times today than I did this Sunday listening to John Michael Montgomery sing the national anthem at the Atlanta Motor Speedway.

This is a person who I know nothing about. I have been told by several news reporting agencies that she is in a vegetative state. Some have purported that she responds to people. Others say that this is not a sign she is cognizant of the facts. People are going as far as accusing her husband of wrong doing, because hey, why assume the best? Why not go on for hours on end speculating about this man? Still more are reporting that her parents should just move on. Why did the President of these United States wake up at 1:00 A.M. on Palm Sunday to sign a bill to save her, and why did the judges trying the case not put the tube back in?

I am an admitted Republican. Yet I have heard in the course of this story people start to take sides and pretend that this is a political issue, like abortion. Wow! How can you look at this poor woman laying in a bed for the last upteen years, and think, "Boy this is a good opportunity for some political reverie!" Its pretty sick to me. This is such a difficult issue to choose sides on. But if I have to put in my two pennies, this is what I would want:

Put a bullet in my head, or pump me full of morphine until I expire, or put a pillow over my head, or any other means you can think of to kill me. But please do it quickly! Don't take my feeding tube out and make my body consume itself.

I killed a doe whitetail deer a few years back that was obviously not making it any more. You could see all of her ribs, her jaw was broken, and she was just moving very slowly down a trail in the woods. I saw her from about 80 yards off. However, I was conflicted. I knew there was a really good buck working the area, and it was in the middle of the rut, the deer's mating season. Risking a shot was pretty much condemning me to not have a chance at that buck. The more I looked at that doe, the less and less I cared. She was going to die, there was no doubt about that, but when was the key issue. I reluctantly pulled up my rifle, aimed at the apex of her torso and neck and gently pulled the trigger. She never felt the biting pain of trying to chew an acorn with broken jaw again.

Every time I hear the name Terry Schiavo, I think about that old doe. If I ever come to a place in life where my body is here but my spirit is not, I hope someone has the decency to send me on to be with God.

Be good people.....

And While I'm thinking about it

2005-03-21T06:59:00.000-08:00

The brand of liquor known as Woodford Reserve, is probably the tastiest whiskey known to man. It is good straight, with water, over coke, and is fantastic in the morning time to fight off the cold. I was a huge fan of Maker's Mark for quite some time before I found this nectar. Please don't mistake me for a drunk. When I get out in the woods, I like to sit around the fire tell lies and drink liquor. I just thought that if you haven't tried Woodford Reserve whiskey, you owe it to yourself to try it.

On a similar note, check out all of my links to the best in redneckery!

Enjoy life, get your bottles off the top shelf......

Alabama Turkey Opener

2005-03-21T04:48:00.000-08:00

The turkey opener is Alabama found me in the rural foothills of Sylacauga. Wow. I thought I had seen rural in Georgia, brother you ain't seen nothing till you been to Sylacauga. With a little help the night before from a combination of a hot fir, a cold bottle of Woodford Reserve whiskey, and an amazing amount of dust in my buddy's hunting cabin, Saturday morning's early rays found me with an extraordinary headache. Oh well. Nothing like a jaunt through the woods to cure that hangover.

We had treed several birds on a ridge top the night before, and were anticipating them flying down to a good clover foodplot that had belied the fact that they liked to eat there quite regularly. We set up with a couple of decoys right as the sun was peeking up over the ridge the birds were roosting on. They weren't making a sound, but I was using my Knight and Hale diaphragm calls to make really light tree calls, purrs, and clucks. I like to use two different diaphragms at the same time so as give the illusion of more than one bird. This strategy has paid off several times in the past. I use a simple double reed call, and then the Walter Parrot special half moon call that Knight and Hale makes. This gives a young bird and old bird type of scenario.

Anyway, the birds decided that the other side of the ridge looked better, so they flew down the side I wasn't set up on. Was it something I said? How smashing, I thought, as I looked at the gigantic size of this ridge. We are going to have to either A: Walk up and over the son of a bitch or B: Walk around the bastard. How horrendous for my hangover. So as I stumbled over to the decoys without my gun. Hello! There's mister gobbler! In full strut! We looked at each other eye to eye with utter surprise. That bastard was trying to slip in on me. I was standing there like I was in a ten foot jon boat with a two foot hole in the bottom. There was a little throw up in the back of my throat. He took off faster than land animal's are supposed to travel.

We didn't see another bird, but I did buy a bottle of wild turkey for that evening. It made me gobble.

More to come.........

Turkey Season Around the Corner

2005-03-09T15:12:00.000-08:00

It's finally starting to feel like spring around here. All the shed antlers have been collected the hunting camp is cleaned up, and the turkeys are ready to start gobbling...

I live and work in metro Atlanta, and I just can't wait to go down some country roads. I'm going to be hunting off the Occonnee river in Redlands WMA this spring. I had some good luck there year. You can have the place to yourself during the week.

Anyhow, this is my first attempt at a Blog...I've really got no idea what its all about, but I'd love to talk about turkey hunting with anyone interested.

Give us a holler........