Who taped their beaks shut?

I've been out on the Redlands WMA today and Monday. It is quite depressing to not hear a single bird. I think I have lost several pounds in the attempt, but alas, the birds are not horny.

1st--I tried my owl calls, both the tube type and the whistle.
2nd--I gave some crow calls, nobody liked those either.
3rd--After calling with my Knight and Hale diaphragm calls for most of the morning, I still made absolutely nothing HORNY!
4th--I thought a Red-Tail hawk might scare a bird into a gobble. Nope.
5th--Maybe a piliated woodpecker would do the trick. Nobody hates a piliated woodpecker more than an old gobbler. Guess Not.
6th--How about a Peacock, those ol' boys on the MAD videos sure look like they get them gobblin with those. I felt rediculous making those horrific noises in the woods.
7th--Maybe that dog whistle thing that M.A.D. calls makes will work. Ummm....NO.


I am currently devising a plan to spray the entire Wildlife Management Area with liquid Viagra, mixed with a little liquid Levitra. Maybe, just maybe, the birds will get horny!!!!! Dammit, I hate not hearing a Gobble!!!!